It Is Well With My College Drop-Out Soul & Other Life Updates

It’s been a long while.

Many things have happened since I’ve posted my last blog.

I entered into a new relationship, and it is truly wonderful to say the least. Patrick and I have been together a little over 3 months now, and God is doing great things in our relationship. It really is an amazing adventure when you find the one God wants you to be with! (Shout out to Patrick) ❤ IMG_8343

I completed my first and only semester of college- It’s just not for me.

I’ve thought a lot about my future, careers and family.

I’ve made many new friends and started new adventures.

I find myself in a very strange season of transition and waiting. At some point, everyone has been there. It’s that awkward “I know what I want/need to do, but I can’t for whatever reason do it right now” moment. Not only is it a confusing time of trying to get your life together, it’s also a time of relying heavily on The Lord and waiting on Him.

So let’s back up.

In September I started my very first semester of college at Valencia (Go Matadors?). As every new freshie quickly discovers, college is no joke. At this point in my life, I had no idea what I wanted to do, nor did I find any interest in the offered career paths. I had really prayed about it, but nothing was sticking out, so I figured I’d go to school and at least get an A.A. in General Studies. Can’t be that difficult, right?

Unfortunately for me, as a former 12-year, home-school student, going to school was not something that I found easy to do. It wasn’t my learning style, and there were far too many people around. I really didn’t enjoy any second of my experience. It became a source of stress, and a black hole of sadness (I might be exaggerating a bit). At the end of the semester, I sat down and really thought about why I was going to school. I didn’t know what I was doing, I hated being there, and I had no time for anything else, or money for anything else.

Which led me to my final decision, I’d take a break from school.

Do I really need school to be successful? I know plenty of very successful adults who either didn’t go to college or dropped out. College isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay! If in the future I find something that I really want to do, then I can always go back.

Coming off of that new decision, I had to figure out what I’m going to do in the mean time. I’m still working on that one. It’s been an up and down roller-coaster. Sometimes I’m really hopeful, and sometimes I feel hopeless and confused. I still don’t know where God is leading me, I still don’t have a full-time job, I still have bills to pay, I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing, but The Lord is still good.

Some days it’s almost like fumbling around through a darkened room. The weight of not knowing anything on top of many other things going on can be pretty overwhelming. Waiting is difficult, but waiting without knowing what’s going on, in some cases, is even worse.

If you’re in a season of waiting, transition or difficult situations like I am, and feel overwhelmed or discouraged, I urge you to listen to or read the song It Is Well. It’s an older hymn with an incredible story. The man who wrote it was a very successful business owner. He had a great life, a happy family and considered by many to be rich. His life was seemingly perfect. Then, the unthinkable happened. His son died of sickness, the Chicago Fire destroyed most of his belongings and real estate, his life took a horrible turn. In hopes to give his family a much needed vacation, he booked a boat trip for his wife and daughters to travel to England. He was planning on meeting them there after taking care of some business. A few days after their departure, he received notice that his family’s ship had come across a collision. His three daughters were killed, only his wife survived. It was on his trip to England to console his grieving wife that he wrote the song It Is Well.

Knowing that story puts a whole new perspective on the lyrics to the hymn,“When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows as sea billows roll, whatever my lot thou has taught me to say, it is well with my soul”. 

I find this song incredibly encouraging, so encouraging that I actually have the title tattooed on my side. When life is horrible, Jesus still knows whats going on. When you don’t know what to do, Jesus still knows which way you should go. When you don’t know where your income is going to come from, Jesus still knows how He will provide. When you feel hopeless in a difficult situation, Jesus is still ever present with you. God is so sovereign and good in whatever He does.

“do not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?…31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

 

Matthew 6:24-25;31-33 NLT

How sweet is it to know that He is watching out for you, and that He will provide and take care of you. Even in the midst of crazy seasons in our life, God is still God. He is still sovereign and working out His plan in your life. Sometimes His plan looks very different from our own, sometimes we have to go through tough times or crappy situations- that  doesn’t mean we should freak out or be worried, because guess what? He is still good and we can rest in that truth.

If there’s one thing that keeps me going and helps me stay sane is this; whatever my lot, He has taught me to say “It is well with my soul.”

 

-Toridactyl

 

 

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